I feel as though binge eating doesn't get a lot of attention. Maybe it's because we don't purge after a binge. But I feel that there is a lot of shame associated with binge eating and many people, men and women, don't admit to it.
For me, binge eating is tied to my emotions. If I'm sad, I eat. If I'm stressed, I eat. If I'm angry, I eat. But we're not talking about eating a couple of pieces of cake. No, we are talking about eating the whole cake, a pint of ice cream, a handful of nuts, and three cookies. We are talking about eating a whole pizza pie, french fries, salad, and what else.
It's not because we suffer from hungry. Although starving ourselves can lead to a binge. It's because we get some sort of enjoyment or satisfaction from eating. When I'm in the middle of a binge, it feels good. It feels comforting.
But then, afterwards, it feels like hell. After a binge, I feel horrible. Not only physically, because I'm so full, but emotionally. I feel like a loser. I feel helpless. I feel so bad about myself that I end up binging again to make those feelings go away. Maybe not immediately, maybe not even the next day.
On top of the binging, I also suffer from chronic depression. So depression can lead to a binge and a binge can lead to depression. For me a never ending cycle of hell that most times, I feel like I can't escape.
To add to all of this, I have all of these people bugging me to lose weight. I know how to lose weight. I know what I should be doing, but it's difficult for me. When you're depressed you are only able to the absolute minimum to get by. Trying to lose weight requires a lot of dedication and hard work. That is hard to do when you have no gas left in your tank. You can only go so far before you putter out.
My health is in serious jeopardy. I'm not in denial. I know I have to work very hard at this. But it takes time. It seems that the people always telling me to lose weight expect me lose it rapidly. I feel like if I wasn't a binge eater and suffered from depression than maybe losing the would be easier. But I am a binge eater and I'm chronically depressed, so losing weight will take time.
I did think about having gastric bypass or the lap band surgery. However, there are many people who regain the weight, and end up stretching out their smaller stomachs. Also, most people end up with vitamin deficiencies and there can be complications to the surgery. I'm not willing to go through that... yet. If within the next five years, I haven't lost any then I will consider getting the surgery.
Hence, I'm going to start a new blog, following my weight loss journey and struggle. It will be a public diary of what I eat, my workout, my thoughts, and feelings. I will be following steps in this binge eating book that I have.
For me, binge eating is tied to my emotions. If I'm sad, I eat. If I'm stressed, I eat. If I'm angry, I eat. But we're not talking about eating a couple of pieces of cake. No, we are talking about eating the whole cake, a pint of ice cream, a handful of nuts, and three cookies. We are talking about eating a whole pizza pie, french fries, salad, and what else.
It's not because we suffer from hungry. Although starving ourselves can lead to a binge. It's because we get some sort of enjoyment or satisfaction from eating. When I'm in the middle of a binge, it feels good. It feels comforting.
But then, afterwards, it feels like hell. After a binge, I feel horrible. Not only physically, because I'm so full, but emotionally. I feel like a loser. I feel helpless. I feel so bad about myself that I end up binging again to make those feelings go away. Maybe not immediately, maybe not even the next day.
On top of the binging, I also suffer from chronic depression. So depression can lead to a binge and a binge can lead to depression. For me a never ending cycle of hell that most times, I feel like I can't escape.
To add to all of this, I have all of these people bugging me to lose weight. I know how to lose weight. I know what I should be doing, but it's difficult for me. When you're depressed you are only able to the absolute minimum to get by. Trying to lose weight requires a lot of dedication and hard work. That is hard to do when you have no gas left in your tank. You can only go so far before you putter out.
My health is in serious jeopardy. I'm not in denial. I know I have to work very hard at this. But it takes time. It seems that the people always telling me to lose weight expect me lose it rapidly. I feel like if I wasn't a binge eater and suffered from depression than maybe losing the would be easier. But I am a binge eater and I'm chronically depressed, so losing weight will take time.
I did think about having gastric bypass or the lap band surgery. However, there are many people who regain the weight, and end up stretching out their smaller stomachs. Also, most people end up with vitamin deficiencies and there can be complications to the surgery. I'm not willing to go through that... yet. If within the next five years, I haven't lost any then I will consider getting the surgery.
Hence, I'm going to start a new blog, following my weight loss journey and struggle. It will be a public diary of what I eat, my workout, my thoughts, and feelings. I will be following steps in this binge eating book that I have.
Thank you for your honesty. It makes me feel less alone to read something like this... If you need support or ever feel lonely in your journey... feel free to poke a stranger who won't judge you. I wish you luck. You will win, even if not the first time... but keep trying. x
ReplyDeleteThanks your support. My new blog will be pomegranatejoneslosesweight.blogspot.com
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